Dickie
Pilager
The Community Leader
As most Coloradoans know, the Pilager family is the greatest and
best family in Colorado. From family patriarch Jeremiah “Crazy”
Pilager, to industrial robber baron “Crazy” Richard
Pilager I all the way to Dickie Pilager himself, the Pilager family
is as engrained in the history of this great state as the mighty
Colorado River.
The
Pilager men have fought in the Civil War, The Great War, The Great
Pilager/Cordozzo Feud of 1936, the Second World War and the Korean
War. They have distinguished themselves as leaders of men in times
of peace as well as periods of war as well as times where there
was some peace and some war. The vision of these men shaped not
only their personal fortunes, but the welfare of the state of Colorado
as well. Their leadership is seen in almost every corner of the
state.
The
Pilager family enters this gubernatorial contest with the hopes
of continuing former-Governor Richard III’s leadership through
his son, the fifth generation Pilager in Colorado, Richard “Dickie”
Pilager IV.
Acting
as the Vice President for Bentel Industries for the past five years,
Dickie has honed his business aptitude, and has learned how big
business and development can further push Colorado ahead. He is
blessed with an almost instinctual ability to lead Colorado, carrying
on a tradition that has lasted over a century and a half.
Read
on and learn for yourself why no-one else in the state has the qualifications
that Dickie has to lead Colorado into the brave, new world ahead!
Go Dickie!
*********
The Pilager Timeline
*
1845 – Jeremiah Pilager is born in Philadelphia, PA to vagrants.
* 1861-1865 – Jeremiah fights for freedom with the Union army
as a common foot soldier! He is shot 11 times, 5 wounds occurring
inexplicably in the same exact location. After the Civil War, he
wanders the nation, looking for opportunity and the chance to become
a leader of men.
* 1870 – Jeremiah arrives in Colorado. Jeremiah opens and/or
takes by force several successful gold mines.
* 1867 – Jeremiah is one of many people who lobby for statehood,
but it was likely his brilliant lobbying that really made it happen.
Colorado becomes the 38th state, August 1st, 1867!
* 1876 – Richard Pilager I – Born in Denver, CO.
* 1893 – Jeremiah diversifies gold mining interests into railroads,
road construction, coal mining, farming, fertilizer and firearms
businesses!
* 1898 – Richard I marries Harriett McDonald, a known prostitute.
* 1898 – Richard Pilager II – Born Denver, CO.
* 1915 – Jeremiah killed in a freak mining accident, when
his workers accidentally send him into one of his own mines and
then blow it up. Richard I assumes control of family business.
* 1916 – Richard Pilager II commissioned as Lieutenant in
the US Army and in support of General “Black” Jack Pershing,
pursues Pancho Villa across El Salvador. He later learns that Pancho
Villa is, in fact, Mexican and has never been to El Salvador.
* 1918 – Richard Pillager II promoted to major and serves
as a staff officer in Sweden, a neutral country.
* 1919 – Richard II marries Mary Simpson, a known librarian.
Richard I killed in a freak equestrian accident when he is stabbed
to death by six horses. Richard II assumes control of family business.
* 1923 – Richard Pilager III – Born Denver, CO.
* 1926 – Richard II diversifies gold mining interests into
railroads, road construction, coal mining, farming, fertilizer and
firearms businesses.
* 1941 – Richard III enlists in the United States Army after
Pearl Harbor. Promoted to major and serves in Switzerland, a neutral
country. Wounded in a freak chocolate accident, he meets nurse Helen
Franklin while convalescing in a hospital in France.
* 1945 – Richard III marries Helen Franklin.
* 1946 – Richard Pilager IV – Born Denver, CO. Helen
dies in childbirth.
* 1956 – Richard II killed in a freak mountain climbing accident
when he is mauled by bears and three fellow climbers. Richard III
assumes control of family business.
* 1957 – Richard III creates partnership with Bentel Industries,
further diversifying portfolio of businesses.
* 1968 – Richard IV graduates from Brown University in Rhode
Island without honors. Commissioned a lieutenant while a member
of the ROTC officer program.
* 1988 – Richard III becomes Governor of Colorado (R). Bentel
Industries assumes control over Pilager businesses and, in a testament
to his intelligence and ambition, Richard IV is appointed to position
of Vice President Sales at Bentel, despite having no qualifications
of any kind.
* 2004 – Richard Pilager IV accepts Republican nomination
for Governor of Colorado, to replace his father, who has been governor
for 16 long years.
* November 7, 2004 – With your help, Richard Pilager IV will
be elected the next governor of the great state of Colorado!
***********
Richard Pilager Cares About Colorado
posted 7/15/04
Being
a born and bred Coloradoan, there is nothing I like better than
hitching a ride on my horse and trotting up into the mountains or
up Mesa Verde. As governor, I pledge to continue to spend the majority
of my time riding horses, but I will also stop often to balance
development with environmental concerns.
Though
the environment is a big priority, we have to remember that our
great state was built upon the exploitation of our vast resources.
In the 1700’s, French trappers founded our first towns based
on the fur trade, and in the 1850’s, our gold rush created
dozens of mining towns throughout the state by destroying our natural
resources. Careful management and destruction of our mineral, water
and timber resources will guarantee for future generations the abundance
that we enjoy today.
We
live in the most beautiful state in the Union. Yet, we rank only
#35 in tourism. Maryland gets more tourism dollars than Colorado.
Now, I’m no tourism expert, but I would bet my bottom dollar
that no one wakes up in the morning and turns to their husband or
wife or non-homosexual partner and says “Honey, let’s
go on a trip to Maryland!"
See
what I’m saying here? As Governor, I will turn Colorado into
America’s playground. Give us your rich, your upper middle
class, your trust fund babies yearning to spend their parents’
money on knock-off tribal jewelry sold by Indians on the side of
the interstate. We’ve got skiing, hiking, horseback riding,
fishing, rafting, canoeing, cycling, hunting, running, jogging,
speed walking and normal walking. Colorado has it all!
**************
Richard
Pilager Cares About the Family
posted 7/13/04
The
family is the cornerstone of Colorado. I don’t know what happened
to the Anasazi cliff dwellers of our past, but I am sure they really
cared about their kids, and their kids were a priority. Do you think
that their parents sat around as their kids did drugs? I don’t
think so. If they caught their Pueblo neighbors giving drugs to
their kids, I am sure they had no mercy. That is what we need to
do today -- have no mercy on those who break our laws and degrade
our families.
Remember
what frontier justice is? It means that if you break the law, then
we introduce you to Mr. Rope and Mr. Low Hanging Tree Branch and
Mr. Lynch Mob. To keep our families together, we need to keep our
kids away from these drug dealers and the way to do that is to get
them off the streets and into the nooses.
We
need to promote family values and we need to promote the study of
the Bible. We need to keep our kids in school and keep them getting
good grades. We need families to support their local churches, so
that if both parents are working, or God forbid, there is only one
parent in the home, then the kids can go to churches for after-school
education in family values. Keep them out of trouble and away from
crack and heroin. With the bible in one hand, there’s less
of a chance there will be a crack pipe in the other hand. Or a marijuana
cigarette. Or peyote.
For
those who do stray from the flock, there must be consequences and
repercussions. The hardworking taxpayers of Colorado work hard for
their hard-earned money, and they don’t want their tax dollars
wasted on tax dollar-gobbling rehabilitation. Lock up for good those
who do not play by our rules. I am in favor of the death penalty
for those who need it, whether those people like it or not. A couple
of seconds in Old Sparky is the kind of permanent rehabilitation
Pilager ’04 is all about.
*******
Death
Penalty
“Some people say they support the death penalty in capital
offense cases. Not me. If you’ve got a trump card, I say why
keep it off the table? The death penalty should be available for
all criminal proceedings."
Terrorism
“Look at the root word of terrorist – terror. How can
anyone wonder whether these people are right or wrong? They’ve
got terror right there in their name. Do they have to spell it out?”
Abortion
“If you love killing babies, than you must also love terrorism.
I cannot abide that.”
Drugs
“I do not support the use of drugs, unless they are of a prescription
variety. This position is non-negotiable, even more so than my position
on the death penalty. I draw the line here about that one.”
*********
Myths
Debunked
"Dim
Dickie”
I would like to state for the record that my GPA was satisfactory
and was indeed higher than that of our current president, the great
George W. Bush. Though I was not Phi Beta Kappa, I was an honored
member of Kappa Gamma Rho (or “Kegger”). My frat brothers
nicknamed me “Dim Dickie” when I was 18 years old during
rush week, and I felt that this jocular “pledge name”
was more down to earth than being called “Richard the Fourth”
or “Richard IV.” In retrospect, now that I am running
for governor, I admit that it is not the most flattering of nicknames.
Drug Use
As an officer in the ROTC program, I prided myself in refraining
from falling into the trap of drugs of the 1960’s. While at
social gatherings, I did witness recreational drug use, but I did
not inhale for hours at a time while at these parties. This is documented.
Philandering
As an officer of Bentel Industries with important responsibilities
and such, I did not have the time to foster a meaningful relationship
with a woman. I will admit that I have been searching for Ms. Right,
and have not found her yet. I ask you what is worse – a single
man dedicated to his career, or a married man dedicated to his career
and neglecting his wife? Or, a married man, cheating on his wife
with, say, an intern? Or a homosexual? I have no reason to apologize,
and have conducted myself with honor.
Vietnam
As a student, I volunteered to be in the ROTC program. That I was
not called up to serve in Vietnam was a chance happening, and was
not a result of any influence of my father or any other member of
my family. That’s just ludicrous and anyone who would make
such a claim clearly hates America. My service record is unblemished
and is available for public scrutiny under the Freedom of Information
Act. Look for yourself. Do it. |
