Susanne Bier has a record of making films that immerse us in the deep end of family life where pain and healing take place. Previously, her work has been in Denmark with films such as Brothers, After the Wedding, and Broken Hearts. She brings her gifts and insight to American film in Things We Lost in the Fire. Any trepidation I might have had about her making a Hollywood film is allayed. Things We Lost in the Fire continues the tradition of thought-provoking films that she has established.

When Steven Burke is killed in the act of trying to help another, his wife and children enter the depths of grief. We see flashbacks of the relationship that he had with them. It is the kind of family we all aspire to—warm, loving, joyful. But all that has been taken away in an instant.

On the day of the funeral, his wife Audrey remembers that she has forgotten to tell one person about her husband’s death, Steven’s childhood friend Jerry. Jerry is a heroin addict. When Audrey’s brother goes to tell him and bring him along, Jerry is loaded. Through the years, Steven has kept contact with Jerry, even at times when it has been inconvenient for the Burke family. One the day of the funeral, Audrey tells Jerry, “I hated you for so many years.... I’d have given up on you.” Yet she makes a point of having him stay for dinner with the inner circle of friends and family.

Both Audrey and Steven have lost a person who has loved them by sharing himself. Jerry’s life may have descended into an abyss, but Steven has never left him alone there. As Audrey stands at the edge of her own abyss, Steven is not there to be an anchor. In some way she senses that Jerry can help her cope. In time, Jerry moves into the garage and they begin a halting dance toward recovery—recovery from grief, recovery from drugs. Neither is easy, and there are dangers and setbacks along the way. At times their own issues get in the way of growth. At times they act in hurtful, unhealthy ways. These hard times lend a sense of gritty reality to what could have been a simple but saccharine story.

Steven is truly a man of grace who has blessed his friends and family. He also understood that they have blessed him. In one of the flashbacks, Steven explains to Audrey part of why he stays close to Jerry: even in his stupor, Jerry makes a point of asking a question about Steven’s job. Steven tells Audrey, “He’s my friend. He looks out for me.”

That idea of looking out for one another becomes the bond that holds these different people together in their recoveries. Steven has taught them both the importance of caring and being cared for. But in this, too, Jerry has played a role. It is Jerry, we learn, who has taught Steven a key lesson, “Accept the good.” Steven has passed this wisdom on to his family. And in time the circle is completed as Audrey teaches it again to Jerry.

The film is full of examples of grace—gifts given without merit. Steven buying a bag of groceries for Jerry. The invitation to dinner after the funeral. A job offer from a neighbor. A gentleness that allows a child to go underwater for the first time. We not only see the acts of grace, we see its effects as well. We see the ways people grow and find new life when others are gracious to them. We also see the ways people grow and find new life as they become the grace that blesses those around them.

Sometimes grace is hard to accept. Sure, we all want people to give us more than we deserve, but when that gift is so precious that it shames us by showing us the depth of need in our lives, we will likely try to turn away. We would rather live in our shame than accept that which is too good for us.

“Accept the good.” Perhaps that is the essence of understanding grace.