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DAMAGING
GUILT
Subject: Miss_Congeniality
Date: Sat, 1 Sep 2001
From: "a learn"
I love to log on and wander thru this sight - you go!!!! In response
to your comments to Sam et al.... I agree! I am personally getting
tired of folks using the scripture to "shouldn't" all over everyone
else! Even the ones who preach freedom - then put so many of their
own rules on folks you can't move. LIke the pastor who preaches
freedom then criticises folks for not wearing a dress suit on Sunday
to church. Heaven forbid if we show up in khaki's and a sweater
- what NO coat???? I'm thinking God's a whole lot more interested
in my heart than my clothes. Now I'm not advocating unrestrained
freedom. But, we really risk damaging folks when we guilt them into
behaving the way we think they should or the way that makes us comfortable.
And isn't that really why we put that stuff on other people - to
make us feel something? more powerful, more in control, more righteous.....
Just a thought.
ENJOYABLE
CONTRIVED COMEDY
Date: Tue, 2 Jan 2001
From: Wilhoit
I
saw, enjoyed. Silly, contrived comedy, more or less predictable
plot, that was actually done very well. It never dragged, always
kept the action going, but never moved too fast to keep up with
what was going on. William Shatner is great as a has-been celebrity,
part Bert Parks, part self-parody (I think Shatner has embraced
his image with grace and a sense of humor, but I digress). Good
characters are likable, bad ones appropriately unlikable, all suitably
developed for their roles. No question it's a comedy, but there
are some tender moments when relationships between characters deepen
or are transformed, and the transformation of Sandra Bullock's attitude
towards her fellow pageant contestants is genuine, believable (and
it's not so much going from disdaining beauty contests to appreciating
them as it is changing from not feeling a bond towards other women
to feeling one, and seeing some of herself in them). As for things
a Christian audience would be concerned with: -A few very minor
sexual jokes and bad words -No nudity or sex scenes (I took my 14-yr.
old daughter, nothing too extreme for her) -A lesbian gag -Implication
that Michael Caine character might be gay -Most "violence" is slapstick
variety -There's a shoot-out at the beginning but no one dies, I
don't think. Technical realism fanatics should stay away, especially
those who know anything about law enforcement or the FBI as I'm
sure the operations depicted aren't even remotely realistic. For
what it is, I'd give it a 7 or 8 out of 10.
IN
THE WORLD BUT NOT OF IT
Subject: Miss Congeniality
Date: Thu, 3 May 2001
From: Sam
(NOTE:
Thank you Sam for your honest letter. I wish more young men would
admit to sexual struggle as you have. My responses are in blue and
are of a graphic nature. I believe that Christians need to talk
about sexual function because great harm is caused by implying that
normal function is somehow sinful. The days of condemnation need
to end. -David)
Hi.
Forgive me if I come across as a legalistic hypocrite. I have been
thinking and prayer and scouring the Word for info about lust and
promiscuity and purity. I am a 21 yr old male. I do not want to
be a complete outcast from society. Partially for selfish reasons,
and partially because I enjoy being able to relate with those around
me, and to be able to better tell them about God's love.
Here
is my dilemmas. "Even to look upon a woman lustfully is to commit
adultery in your heart" (Note:
This does not have anything to do with natural arousal, this has
to do with an inner intention to have actual adulterous sex with
a specific woman -a mental thing).
I'm sure your familiar with that verse. In your review of Ms Congeniality
(however it's spelled), you mentioned nothing about the clothing
being worn. (Why should I?) There
were some warnings of sexual innuendo and mild violence, but nothing
about immodesty. In some of the pictures on your page, I felt a
struggle just looking at them, and I am confused. I mean, her dress
is glued on, and so short (It is? Gee,
gosh, you are right. She does look nice. Very attractive. But, so
what?). I am confused about whether
or not I should even watch a movie like this (You
are the best judge of yourself.). I
feel very alone depressed about this because to everyone else around
me, tight dresses, short shorts, skin tight clothing, bikini's,
half open blouses, whatever; it's no big deal, its normal and fine.
But to me it is a real struggle (if it
is, then it is). I know that most guys
out there feel some sort of arousal, however mild, over such things
(Hmm, I think I need to be very forthright
with you. I did not get an erection, much less aroused by Sandra
Bullock. Perhaps if she had larger breasts. But, what if I had?
Would that have been wrong? Or natural? I think the latter. Erections
and arousal are not sinful in themselves -they are normal. Inner
intent to commit adultery is). But
at the same time, it's everywhere, and no big deal to most people
I know. Heck (You mean, Hell?)
most of my friends joke about it. (Maybe,
you should give yourself a break and accept your natural and normal
arousal to happen without thinking you have somehow violated your
commitment to God. Arousal and lust are two different things.) Half
of me wants to yell and scream, and half of me wants to just pretend
that I am not tempted (arousal is not
temptation, and temptation is not a sin).
What are we to do? (Enjoy life, know that
arousal and erections are okay, not sinful. It makes me feel good.
It's a God thing. And, know that lustful intent to commit adultery
is wrong).
To
put my dilemma hypothetically: suppose I had to pick up a friend
from work, and he worked in porn shop (your
example is extreme and unbelievable). Now
even though my motives may be pure (or seem pure) if I were to go
in the porn shop to get him, I would undoubtedly be sinning
(no, you would not be sinning)
just by subjecting myself to such a temptation (again
temptation is not sin). Defiling my
eyes (your eyes would not be defiled, no where
is that in the scriptures. You are reading your own needless guilt
into the Bible) would be unavoidable. We are to "flee sexual
immorality" (Your example has no case of sexual
immorality in it. You might also
think of your relationship with your friend as an evangelistic opportunity).
So
then if the above situation is unwholesome (and
it is not), should I go to the mall
(yes), where
posters of half naked, erotically posed, people abound, and young
ladies prance about in mini-skirts and chest exposing low cut shirts?
(Really, that's in the mall? Wow, I guess I should
go and investigate!) If I to flee,
where shall I go (I do not know. Your
needless guilt is a self imposed prison. Jesus came to set you free).
Half of me thinks it's time to flee to the hills of Judah. What
do you think? (I think you should stop
hating your God given sexual function. It's normal. It's fun and
it's good. Enjoy the fact that you get erections; That you feel
arousal. These things are good. They ARE NOT wrong. Someone has
sold you a bill of goods. Have you ever found a verse anywhere in
the scriptures that condemns arousal, erections, or even masturbation?
You are really talking about masturbation, aren't you? Masturbation
is a wonderful thing, enjoy. Just do not do the lust thing. And,
avoid habit forming and addictive pornography and all other visual
aids. Now go and have some God given fun. No more condemnation.
You are a very normal guy. Blessings on you).
Sam
PS,
Sam, perhaps this will help. The Ten Commandments teach us not to
covet our neighbor's house, spouse, or property (Ex 20:17). But
this does not make a house, spouse or property wrong, nor does it
make the desire for a house, spouse or property wrong. It makes
lusting after something that is not yours wrong -that is, criminal
intent to steal. So apply this same principle to sexual arena. God
really wants you to enjoy life, but you are on a path that is ungodly,
unscriptural and dangerous to your mental and sexual health. You
need to be free to experience normal sexual attraction and arousal
without thinking it is lustful and criminal immorality. Let Jesus
set you free. Believe me, the devil did not create your sexuality.
God did. So, enjoy. And tell the devil to take a hike. Talk to a
pastor if you need to sort out guilt, balance and moderation. Get
professional assistance if you need help in any pornography addiction.
Otherwise, enjoy Sandra Bullock, she is a very attractive woman,
and that is very okay because God made her that way.
GOD
HARD WIRED US
Subject: More on sexual arousal (Miss Congeniality)
Date: Fri, 04 May 2001
From: Joe
Dear
David, I read with great interest your reply to Sam on "Miss Congeniality",
and, to be honest, found it greatly comforting, particularly your
remarks about the naturalness of sexual arousal and masturbation.
The late Desmond Morris (at least, I _think_ he's the late Desmond
Morris - maybe he's still around) had some truly fascinating things
to say about the things that we humans get aroused by, which leads
me to believe that maybe those were "hard-wired" into us by God
- in other words, maybe God _intends_ us males to get aroused by
certain female characteristics. That being the case, I would also
question whether sexual fantasy as such is even sinful at all, as
Sam seemed to think (it seems to be a contradiction in terms to
masturbate and _not_ have sexual fantasies while doing so).
As
far as pornography goes, the real problem with it is that it's so
-boring- - you basically have a situation of putting tab A into
slot B, or variants thereof, on an average of 5 times during the
average porn video. Not to mention that all the humping and puffing
and groaning is disconnected from anything else - it's just not
-real-. (Not to get too indelicate, but _coitus interruptus_ just
doesn't happen THAT often in real life!)
-Joe-
P.S.
Sandra Bullock was a year behind me at East Carolina. (No, we never
met, as far as I know - it was a big school even then, in the early
1980's, and we were on different tracks.)
P.P.S.
What really floats my boat, if you know what I mean and I think
you do (as Joe Bob Briggs is wont to say) is the great classic sexy
stars of the 1950's - Gina Lollobrigida, Anita Ekberg, Jane Russell,
and that lot - not to mention the one and only Marilyn Monroe!
Response:
Thanks Joe. I admire your openness and honesty. It will be interesting
to see how others will respond to this needful and liberating discussion.
-David
FEARING
SEXUAL REALITIES
Date: Fri, 25 May 2001
From: Kimberly
A
truly funny and positive movie. I really appreciated your comments
in regards to Sam's e-mail. Speaking as a 24 year old female, I
have often "feared" the concept of masturbation and similar subjects
because of constrictive dogmatic church teaching. They don't really
even like to talk about it, they just condemn you if you bring it
up yourself! Its taboo. But like you mentioned in one of your other
letters, Jesus didn't talk about it! Surely such activities were
extremely common in those Roman days. It would have made an especially
great substitute for avoiding having too many children, which must
have been a concern back then. I am shocked that more Bible thumping
people don't realize this when reading the NT! I used to live by
these same fears, especially during the time I attended a Conservative
Baptist church. I'm still in the process of deciding which lessons
were misinterpreted dogma and which are real and beneficial. It
is so good to finally recognize what are simply normal parts of
any contemporary society and should not be condemned! Jesus did
not want us to live in fear, but, misery loves company, right? People
who live in fear tend to inspire fear in others, with or without
intent.
One
thing that truly helped to liberate me from these views was accepting
that God made us just the way we are. It happens that God made me
a gifted dancer with a style that some extremists might call "lustful"
or "bump and grind". I don't consider either of those things true,
but I had a hard time at church finding people who didn't view my
talent as "potentially sinful". But I insisted to everyone that
My gift was "as is", and that I no intention of stealing anybody's
husband with it or becoming a naked club dancer. It was just a gift
that allowed me to move in an evocative yet fun and graceful way.
And eventually I learned that people would either accept that or
not, and not to feel any guilt about it if they are not convinced
enough. If anything, I feel I should use my gifts more!
sincerely, Kimberly
Response:
Thank you ever so much Kimberly. I really appreciate your straight
forward honesty. I wish more Christians would feel like they could
openly discuss the issue of sexuality, without the feeling like
they will be condemned by the self righteous. I encourage others
to respond as you have. Blessings on you Kimberly!
In
terms of dance, there is a story in the Bible about King David dancing
in public and "exposing himself" to the servant girls:
(2 Samuel 6:14-23) And David was dancing before the Lord with
all his might, and David was wearing a linen ephod.... Then it happened
as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David that Michal the
daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping
and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart....
When David returned home to bless his family, Michal came out to
meet him and said in disgust, "How glorious the king of Israel looked
today! He exposed himself to the servant girls like any indecent
person might do!" David retorted to Michal, "I was dancing before
the Lord, who chose me above your father and his family! He appointed
me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord. So I am willing
to act like a fool in order to show my joy in the Lord. Yes, and
I am willing to look even more foolish than this, but I will be
held in honor by the girls of whom you have spoken!" So Michal,
the daughter of Saul, remained childless throughout her life.
Dance
in the scriptures was usually done by the women (Exodus 15:20; Judges
11:34; comp. Judges 5:1). It is spoken of as symbolical of rejoicing
(Eccles. 3:4. Comp. Psalm 30:11; Matthew 11:17). The Hebrews had
their sacred dances expressive of joy and thanksgiving (Exodus 15:20;
1 Samuel 18:6). Psalm 149:3 says, "Let them praise his name
in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and
harp."
Whatever
you do Kimberly, do it as unto the Lord. Again Thank you so much.
-David
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Miss
Congeniality 
