Raising Helen

LINKS
—Interview with Gary Marshall By David Bruce
—Overview
—Trailers, Photos
—About this Film
—Spiritual Connections

A SEXY MAN OF GOD!

If you haven’t been to church in a while, you would probably be surprised if I told you my pastor was a dashing, young clergyman who played hockey, had a sense of humor, didn’t get freaked out by people who rejected his beliefs, and regarded himself as an unabashedly “sexy man of God.� All that, and he was spiritual, too. Seriously, now: Could such a person exist?

If you are a regular churchgoer, you would probably be more surprised if I told you I had just seen a Hollywood film that featured just such a clergyman as a central character. What’s more, they didn’t turn him into a serial killer, a child abuser, an exorcist, a moral crusader, a hair-sprayed TV evangelist or a Ned Flanders-style nerd. This film actually took his faith seriously, and it didn’t jazz it up or dumb it down. His Christian commitment was merely one part of his otherwise ordinary life. Seriously, now: Could such a film exist?

It does, and it’s called Raising Helen. And whether you call yourself a Christian or not, I urge you to see it. Both funny and heartwarming (if a tad conventional), this film does a superb job of depicting current misunderstandings between the Church and the culture at large. It also demonstrates how such misunderstandings might be overcome; mainly through people on both sides of the spiritual divide realizing what we all have in common—our humanity—and using that as the basis for dialogue.

There is much to comment on in this regard, but I will restrict myself to two incidents. One is a scene where Helen tries to pass herself off as a Lutheran so Pastor Dan will allow her sister’s children to attend the Lutheran school he oversees as principal. Her approach is typical of those whose only impression of the Church is that of a harsh, judgmental institution bent on excluding and condemning wayward souls rather than welcoming them. Like a limbo dancer, Helen bends as far back as she can go, assuming the bar will only allow a few “chosen� individuals to wriggle beneath it. However, after listening to her obvious lies, Pastor Dan doesn’t disqualify her. In fact, he responds with the last thing most non-Christians would expect from someone in his position: humor. With a straight face, he tells Helen everything sounds fine. All the children have to do is fill out the application forms and take a blood test.

“Blood test?� Helen asks, smiling.

“Yes,� Pastor Dan says. “To make sure they’re Lutherans.�

Helen’s smile melts. She starts to scramble, claiming all three children are hemophiliacs; that they faint at the sight of blood...

Finally, Pastor Dan relents and tells her he’s joking.

Wait a minute: Joking? The guy with the collar? Come on, now…

Refreshingly, it turns out there is no bar. There’s no limbo contest, either. You don’t have to be anyone special to attend Pastor Dan’s school or his church. As he puts it, “There’s probably only fifty Lutherans in Queens anyway.�

That scene isn’t the only time Pastor Dan responds to Helen’s antics with humor. Despite her near total ignorance of the faith (she thinks “vespers� is a brand of scooter), he simply accepts her and her family for who they are. He even seems to enjoy them. And he never preaches at them. Well, almost never. The one time he does preach at Helen, he elicits exactly the same response the Church does every time it wags its finger at society: anger, resentment, and a rupture in their relationship.

Have you ever felt like Helen, like you had to “show your credentials� before you’d be accepted by the Church, like the Church was only there to condemn you rather than support you? If so, you are not the only one. And it’s a shame. As an institution founded on grace (which can be defined as “unmerited favor or kindness�), we Christians sometimes do a lousy job of exhibiting this core value. Too often, we have turned the Church into an exclusive club of “do gooders� instead of a place where all who are weary and burdened may find rest (Matthew 11:28). I want to apologize on behalf of Christians everywhere for this attitude, and I urge you to give us another chance.

Similarly, if you are a Christian, have you ever struggled to accept a culture or an individual that does not share your beliefs? If so, I urge you to reconsider the example of Christ. He made such a habit of hanging out with those whom the Church of his day despised that it was downright scandalous. As Jesus said of himself: “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and “sinners�’� (Luke 7:34). Has anyone made a similar accusation about you lately?

Another aspect of Raising Helen that addresses the uncomfortable relationship between Church and culture is the issue of Pastor Dan’s sexuality. Coming from the glamorous world of Manhattan fashion, Helen has a difficult time seeing Pastor Dan as anything other than a kindly, spiritual authority. Never mind the fact that he’s a “normal� guy in every other respect—handsome, funny, athletic, and supremely nice. But sexy? Not a chance. Like many people today, Helen doesn’t want to even consider the fact that a religious man could also have some “below the collar� stirrings. Even Helen’s fifteen-year-old niece squirms at the thought. “That’s weird,� she says. I think Helen’s niece is speaking for many people here. Recent sexual abuse scandals involving spiritual authorities have caused a lot of discomfort when it comes to thinking about clergymen and sex. But is it still possible for someone to be both a man of God and a sexual being—in a healthy way, that is? Pastor Dan certainly thinks so. As he tells Helen, “I’m a sexy man of God, and I know it.� However, I think he may be a rare breed.

Never mind clergymen, I think most non-Christians have a difficult time reconciling sex with Christianity period. I think that’s partly because non-Christians often don’t receive a very positive line from the Church regarding sexuality. It’s usually a “don’t� message of some kind, as in “don’t look,� “don’t touch,� “don’t imagine�—aw, heck, just “Don’t do it!� (Except under carefully controlled conditions.) Sounds more like the “fear of sex� than the “joy of sex� to me.

But if God created everything, he must have created sex, too, right? So what did he intend for us to do with it? To enjoy it, surely. But how? And with whom? Non-Christians aren’t the only ones who have a difficult time answering such questions—or reconciling spirituality and sex, for that matter. I’m a Christian who has been in a committed marital relationship for the past seven years, and I sure haven’t got it worked out yet. I don’t think my wife has either. And neither have any of my friends. Some haven’t even worked out their sexual orientation yet. And I don’t think we’re much different than millions of other Christians in North America. Perhaps that’s why the Church has been so lousy at communicating with the rest of the world on this topic. We don’t really know what to tell them. That’s not to say Christianity doesn’t have a lot to contribute to this conversation. But to get at what that is, we need to lay down our insecurities and prejudices. We need to stop trying to defend our position and start figuring out why so few people are listening to what we have to say.

Raising Helen won’t change the world—or the Church. But it might just change a few minds. Despite what the critics are saying, I urge you to give both Raising Helen and the Church a chance. In each case, I think you will be both delighted and surprised. I know I was.

LINKS
—Interview with Gary Marshall By David Bruce
—Overview
—Trailers, Photos
—About this Film
—Spiritual Connections