Episode 2: "You Could Drive a Person Crazy"

Mary Alice:
"Beautiful lawns, spacious homes, happy families. These are the hallmarks of suburbia. But if you look beneath the veneer of gracious living...you will see a battle raging, a battle for control. You see the combatants everywhere, engaged in their routine skirmishes...fighting fiercely to have dominion over the world around them…"

"…all the while knowing...it's a battle they will lose."

This week’s topic is on control, and our desire to control the people and circumstances in our lives. Let’s take a brief look at all of the control issues going on in this episode:

Carlos wants to control the finances exclusively.
He uses manipulation to get Gabrielle’s time.

Gabrielle wants to control her time, and not be forced to visit the jail every day.
She uses disobedience and natural consequence to get her freedom.

Carlos’s cell mate, Richie, wants to control Carlos in order to get money, which will eventually be used to control his girlfriend’s body.
He uses the threat of violence (Carlos) and the threat of absence (girlfriend) to wield his power over others.

Richie’s girlfriend wants control over her own body – she doesn’t want a boob job.
She tries to use defiance and self-will to gain acceptance for who she is.

Bree’s mother-in-law wants to control the affections of everyone around her.
She uses emotional outbursts to gain sympathy, attention and a competitive edge over Bree.

Bree wants to control her mother-in-law’s outbursts.
She uses lack of sympathy and violence to stop the madness, avoid embarrassment, and win back some attention during the grieving process.

Edie wants to control the competition with Susan.
She uses another person (Susan’s ex, Karl) to get an edge on Susan.

Mike wants control over his own destiny.
He uses sexual attraction to try to get Susan back.

Susan wants control of her own emotions.
She uses personal information Carl disclosed to her to get revenge on Edie, and uses defined boundaries to keep her relationship with Mike at arm’s length.

Tom wants control over his learning experience with the household.
He uses logical reasoning, a “system,� and stubbornness to get Lynette off his back.

Lynette wants control over the status of her household.
She uses trickery to get Tom to meet her expectations.

In life, we all have power struggles. We strive to control our environments in order to get what we want or find some measure of sanity. Look at the list above again. There are sure to be some methods or motives you can relate to. But, there are some serious questions we need to ask when we discover our own battles with control.

First, how much control is really necessary? The apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4:12-13 “…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.� How many of our endless gyrations to control things could be ceased by a simple relationship with Christ? He has promised to give us an inner peace that transcends understanding.

Second, how much control is really effective? We have to admit at some point that we have very little true control over the outcomes of our lives. In the Carlos/Gabrielle story, one unpredictable factor in each circumstance resulted in an ever-changing balance of power. First, Carlos had the control, then Richie, then Gabrielle, then the girlfriend, back to Richie, and eventually it ended up in Gabrielle’s hands again. Since we cannot know and anticipate every action, reaction, desire, and thought of every person around us, we cannot possibly gain true control over any situation. Why not leave that work to God? He seems to have the corner on the market when it comes to knowledge and power.

Third, what about control is really fair? Rather than looking inward for solutions, each person tried to solve their problems by controlling another person. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being at the mercy of someone else’s agenda. However, in my sinful state, I often snare people in my own self-centered plan for survival! I dare say I would have more peace and tranquility if I focused on controlling myself and my actions first. Then, I might choose to take the high road more often. And perhaps the high road would take me some place I’d much rather be. It’s interesting to study Christ’s behavior with other people. He remained faithful to do the work of the Father, and gave others control over their own destinies. He simply provided an alternative if they wished to partake of his peace. He was a water fountain…not a tidal wave.

I’m not saying that the power struggle between people will ever go away entirely. Much like racism and war, that ugly monster will likely be with us until Christ returns. Nevertheless, we have an opportunity to make a significant impact on our own lives by doing what seems unnatural – releasing control rather than trying to take it. After all, God does a better job with our lives than we do.