Dating Mr. Darcy

Overview by David Bruce


The Smart Girl's Guide to Sensible Romance
Companion to PRIDE AND PREDUJICE

Summary

Any girl who has seen Pride and Prejudice or read the Jane Austen novel knows that the much misunderstood Mr. Darcy is the ideal gentleman. But is it possible to find your own Mr. Darcy in today's world of geeks and goons? With smart tips, spiritual insights, and discussions of Jane Austen's popular stories and movies, best-selling author Sarah Arthur equips young women to gauge a guy's Darcy Potential (DP) according to his relationships with family, friends, and God.

Do you love Pride and Prejudice?

Still holding out hope that there’s a Mr. Darcy in your future?

Crazy enough to believe that you can change a Mr. Wickham into a Mr. Darcy?

Any girl who has seen Pride and Prejudice knows that the much misunderstood Mr. Darcy is the ideal gentleman. Is it possible to find your own Mr. Darcy in today’s world?

With spiritual insights along with smart tips, best-selling author Sarah Arthur helps you figure out a guy’s Darcy Potential (DP) and refine your Creep Detection System (CDS).

Smart girls still believe in love.

Author Bio

Sarah Arthur is the best-selling author of Walking with Frodo and an ardent Jane Austen fan. She graduated from Wheaton College with majors in literature and Christian education and served for many years as a full-time youth director. She is a member of the Jane Austen Society of North America and married to her very own dashing Mr. Darcy who lovingly built her website: www.saraharthur.com.

Note from the Author

Dear Reader,

I have a confession to make, happily married woman that I am:

I have a crush on Mr. Darcy.

Yep, I’m one of those Jane Austen fans. I first came to Pride and Prejudice through the BBC/A&E television series and haven’t been quite the same person since. Gone are my ties to the Grunge Era, when we girls swooned for the slightly unshaven, plaid-wearing skaters playing hacky sack in the quad. Now, my husband is never more attractive to me than when standing mildly aloof in his white button-down shirt and prep-school tie, copping his smart-guy attitude. He may roll his eyes at the world of Jane Austen, but deep down he is my very own Mr. Darcy; and I am Lizzy Bennet, laughing at him till he laughs at himself. Having a crush on your husband is a good thing.

But there were those dating years when I fell for any number of unworthy guys, probably because I hadn’t yet encountered the ideal of Mr. Darcy by which to judge them. Nor did I have a heroine like Elizabeth Bennet to look up to. Sadly, I didn’t read Pride and Prejudice in high school when I should have, when Lizzy would have been a welcome breath of fresh air in the midst of daily relational disappointments. I don’t know if the book just never crossed my path or if I thought it was “Old English� or what. And for whatever reason, Jane Austen was never assigned reading material in my college literature courses, either. It’s a wonder I survived at all.

So when a friend loaned me the BBC/A&E series several years ago during a particularly wretched, flu-ridden February, I had no idea from one scene to the next what was going to happen. Darcy’s first proposal was a total surprise, as was Charlotte Lucas’s marriage, Wickham’s betrayal, and Lydia’s elopement. I giggled at Mr. and Mrs. Bennet, hissed at Miss Bingley, and hollered, “You go, girl!� every time Lizzy said anything. Then when it was over, I watched it all again.

If only I had discovered Darcy during those dating years! And now that I’ve become immersed in all six of Jane Austen’s major novels, I wish I’d read them long ago, over and over again, during those wasted hours in study hall. If you haven’t read Austen either, take it from a literature buff with a romantic turn of mind: you’re missing out.

Pride and Prejudice has never gone out of print since it was first published in 1813, making Jane Austen one of the most popular and beloved authors in the English language. Her popularity is not only because of her ironic wit and economical prose, but because of her timeless insights into human nature and romantic love. How an unmarried “spinster� could have had such tremendous insight into the nutty nuances of romantic relationships is a mystery and ongoing debate that perhaps will never be resolved. One could say that the closer we get to something, the more difficult it is to see it properly, which might account for why those of us who are “attached� sometimes can’t seem to see our significant other or the relationship very clearly.

By the same token, you may be wondering what a married woman like myself might have to say to those of you who are still playing the dating game or despairing of ever finding your own Mr. Darcy. Good question. While I won’t claim even remotely to have Jane Austen’s powers of discernment, I’m happy to offer what insights I can, aided by my distance from the situation and my incurable addiction to romance.

If I’m hopelessly off base at times, I ask your forgiveness. As Elizabeth Bennet says, “We all love to instruct, though we can teach only what is not worth knowing.� But if you too have a crush on Darcy, I hope you find yourself in good company!

I am very affectionately yours,
Sarah Arthur

Some Thoughts

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single girl in possession of her right mind must be in want of Mr. Darcy. Including you, we can assume, or you wouldn’t have bothered to pick up this book. Whether you’re single, dating, or otherwise, you’re in good company, sister! Prepare yourself for an all-out Darcy Fest within these pages. (Careful, though: this is a spoiler, so you’d better know Pride and Prejudice from start to finish first.)

Clearly, we’re not the only girls to fall in love with Mr. Darcy in the two hundred years since Jane Austen immortalized his fine figure in her beloved novel. His romance with Elizabeth Bennet, given flesh and blood in recent films and spin-offs of Pride and Prejudice, has drafted thousands of admirers into the ranks of genuine Janeites and card-carrying Austenians. Keira Knightley proves that Jane Austen won’t be going away anytime soon. And we can’t forget the “a-Firthionados,� who have become fervent fans over the years thanks to the eloquent eyes and wet shirt of Colin Firth. Mmm.

In fact, now that you mention it, the ten-year anniversary of the BBC/A&E television series obligates us to a celebratory marathon of all six episodes, don’t you think? It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. And for good measure, we might as well watch all the major films made of Austen’s characters in the last decade: Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeremy Northam in Emma, for example; Kate Winslet, Emma Thompson, and Hugh Grant in Sense and Sensibility; and even teen queen Alicia Silverstone as a postmodern Emma in Clueless. Some Janeites have argued eloquently for You’ve Got Mail as yet another take on Pride and Prejudice. And why not?

Here we probably should give a nod to Bridget Jones, whose popularity can’t be overstated but whose similarities to Elizabeth Bennet remain tenuous at best. As lovable as Bridget is to those of us who share her tendency to say all the wrong things at all the wrong times, we can’t help thinking poor Mr. Darcy somehow ended up with Lydia at the conclusion of that story. (And, we suppose, if that Mr. Darcy chose such a match with his “eyes open,� then he probably deserves her!)

No, it’s Jane Austen’s own Mr. Darcy we return to time and time again. That’s because our dear, darling Fitzwilliam embodies everything we romantics desire in the guy of our dreams: passion, integrity, honesty, intelligence, loving affection, and a willingness to accept us for who we really are, crazy family notwithstanding. Oh, and we can’t forget the “something pleasing about the mouth� when he speaks. Hmm, yes. And how nice he looks in that formal dinner jacket . . .

Okay, so we’re hopeless romantics when it comes to Darcy. We’ll track him down in whatever form we can find him, all the while envisioning our own Mr. Darcy making his appearance in the ballroom of our lives. Whether we’re dating or single, we have an ideal relationship in mind that looks something like our hero and Elizabeth Bennet gazing at each other across a crowded drawing room at Pemberley, eyes locked in mutual acknowledgment: You were made for me.

Sigh.

Yet for all his excellent exterior qualities, it’s Darcy’s inner character we admire most, or we’d be just as quick to snatch up books titled Dating Mr. Wickham. No, we want the good heart, not just the good looks. We want a guy with whom we can build the kind of romantic friendship that will outlast everything life throws our way.

Some of us are perhaps currently dating, which means we’re assessing the Darcy Potential (DP) of our romantic attachments. This is a good thing. If we’re not dating, we’re perhaps despairing at the apparent lack of DP in the guys we know. Body piercings aside, how could any of them possibly live up to such a noble and—yes, let’s be honest—yummy standard? One of the goals of this book is to help us assess the DP of the twenty-first-century guys in our lives, especially when it comes to their other relationships. More on that later.

Having said all that, as much as we swoon over Darcy, it’s Elizabeth Bennet we really admire. Jane Austen herself once called her “as delightful a creature as ever appeared in print.� We want to be like Lizzy. We long to have the strength of character and depth of self-knowledge that allow us to turn down the offers and innuendos of an undeserving culture, that allow us to refuse even the dishy, the dashing, the delicious Mr. Darcys when they fail to grasp our true worth (at first, anyway). Because if we can be like Lizzy, we can overcome those lurking insecurities that make us question our own judgment in all matters relational and stop chasing empty dreams. Right?

Well, sort of. We easily lose sight of the key quality that makes Elizabeth Bennet so compelling:

She messes up.

Yep, even our dear Lizzy makes mistakes in judgment. In fact, the moment she recognizes her own willful prejudice against Darcy is when the entire story takes its ultimate romantic turn. That’s when she finally faces what she’s been ignoring. The rest is literary history.

At the risk of sounding like Mary Bennet, we must admit there’s a lot to learn from the development of Lizzy’s character. We can’t help but be amazed at the acuteness of Jane Austen’s discernment regarding the nuances of relationships, particularly in the arena of romance. Nothing escapes her eye. Every frailty of the human heart, every absurdity, is placed under a microscope for our inspection. Before we know it, we find our own motives and longings have been given the same kind of scrutiny. If we’re honest with ourselves, we soon discover that we’re prone to failure not only in judging our own hearts, but we often vastly misunderstand the people around us as well.

Eventually we come to realize that Jane Austen’s remedy for our inherent lack of self-knowledge is to take time for reflection. We need to get alone and put some serious effort into honest self-evaluation. We must take ourselves to task for “what we have done� and “what we have left undone,� as the old prayer of confession states. And this is the case not only in our romantic relationships, but in all our relationships: with family, with friends, and with God.

At some point or another, we all face the difficult task of looking inside ourselves. Do we have what it takes to live like Lizzy in the twenty-first century, in spite of our own loony family and friends? Dating Mr. Darcy is designed in part to help us consider our own EP, our Elizabeth Potential. It’s a guide to the kind of sensible romance that Lizzy herself would approve of.

But in this quest we must not be impatient with ourselves, or with the possible (and impossible) Darcys in our lives. As Jane Austen lovingly wrote to her niece in 1817:

To you I shall say, as I have often said before, Do not be in a hurry, the right man will come at last; you will in the course of the next two or three years meet with somebody more generally unexceptionable than anyone you have yet known, who will love you as warmly as possible, and who will so completely attach you that you will feel you never really loved before.

Sigh again.

Perhaps someday Jane’s words of wisdom will be only too true in our own lives. Meanwhile, we have some important—and fun!—work to do.

How to Read This Book

Dating Mr. Darcy is meant to be an enjoyable romp through the land of romance, a romp in which we keep our heads on straight. We have much to learn from Elizabeth Bennet about the crucial importance of all our relationships and how they influence, for better or worse, our romantic attachments.

The first step is to become familiar with the story of Pride and Prejudice, whether in film or in print. If you’re not already acquainted with Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, it’s a good idea to be introduced before you read any further in Dating Mr. Darcy. Once you’ve done so, the cast of characters listed at the back of this book can help you keep the main players straight. Locations are listed as well. You may also want to familiarize yourself with the story lines of Emma and Sense and Sensibility, as there will be occasional references to both.

If you’re currently dating a potential Darcy, this book is for you. This is your opportunity to take a step away from the relationship and consider how both you and your significant other are doing in the grand scheme of things. Are you personally maintaining a healthy sense of your own identity, particularly when it comes to your family, friends, and faith? And how about Darcy: Do you have a clear understanding of who this guy really is when it comes to his family, friends, and faith?

Or perhaps you’re still looking for your Mr. Darcy, in which case this book is also for you. Now is the time—while you’re waiting for him to either show up or declare himself—to take a thorough, honest assessment of all your relationships. All of Jane Austen’s heroines reflect on what they know about themselves, which in turn helps them assess their romantic interests. For just a bit, take your mind off assessing (and obsessing about) the DP of the guys you know and concentrate on your own character instead. What’s your EP?

For those of you who hope you’ve found your Mr. Darcy and are ready to think long-term, now is a good time to assess the PP, or Pemberley Potential, of your relationship. As a couple, how healthy are your interactions with each other’s families, friends, and faith? What sort of Pemberley are you creating: Is the relationship a blessing or a burden to others?

To aid in these reflections, Dating Mr. Darcy is divided into several parts. Part one explores the “dating market� today as compared to Jane Austen’s time. It also highlights the timeless wisdom we can glean from the example of Elizabeth Bennet in terms of how to conduct ourselves in the crazy arena of twenty-first-century romance. In parts two, three, and four, we take a look at why family, friends, and faith matter in dating relationships. With Lizzy and Darcy as test subjects, we’ll assess how healthy your relationships are in all of those areas. In part five, we’ll explore the necessity of taking time for honest reflection to come to a better understanding of ourselves and others.

The final section of this book contains two resources to help you in the process of figuring out what is going on with you and your various relationships. First there’s a Guide to Reflection with ideas for a personal miniretreat to help you listen to what God and your heart are telling you. The second resource is affectionately entitled “Lizzy Bennet’s Diary,� the newly discovered, original, uncut version. Yep, you won’t find this anywhere else. That’s because, as the lovable and flawed heroine of your own story, you get to write it! There are diary entries to help you assess all your relationships and Darcy’s too, complete with quiz questions, quips, and quotes.

So let’s go to it!

MORE ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sarah Arthur is the bestselling author of Walking with Frodo: A Devotional Journey Through The Lord of the Rings (Tyndale/ thirsty?), among other youth resources. Her latest release, Walking with Bilbo (January 2005) is based on The Hobbit, Tolkien's lighthearted prequel to LOTR. Sarah's books are ideal for both personal and group study. Know any teens who love The Lord of the Rings? These devos make great gifts.

And now you can add more of Sarah's books to your wish list: Dating Mr. Darcy: The Smart Girl's Guide to Sensible Romance, inspired by Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice (summer 2005); and Beyond the Wardrobe: A Devotional Quest into The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (fall 2005).

Sarah served as a youth director in northern Michigan for seven years before launching her writing and speaking career. She is a fun-loving speaker for youth events, retreats, church groups, home-schooling clubs, and area schools.

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