If
you expect to find peace in the friendship of any person, you
are likely to be disappointed. But if you are intimate with God,
the disloyalty or death of a friend will not crush you.
--THOMAS À KEMPIS (C. 1380–1471)
Man
shall commune with all creatures to his profit, but enjoy God
alone. That is why no human being can be a permanent source of
happiness to another.
--DAG HAMMARSKJÖLD (1905–1961)
Vincent
and Joey have been painfully estranged ever since Vincent divorced
Joey's mother and left the decaying boardwalks of Long Beach,
Long Island for the anonymity of Manhattan and a successful career
with the NYPD. He lives his life in solitude, keeping his girlfriend
(FRANCES McDORMAND) at arm's length. The closest relationship
he maintains is with his partner, Reg (GEORGE DZUNDZA), and Vincent
makes sure that stops at the precinct door. As long as Vincent
lives in the protection of the present, he doesn't have to deal
with the pain of his past.
The
story line promotes discussion on human relationship, especially
with close family. As a culture we are far afield from the ideas
and practices concerning relations ot the ancient Hebrews who
gave us the Hebrw Bible (Old Testament).
EARLY
HEBREW (Old Testament) VIEWS OF THE FAMILY STRUCTURE
(adapted from the International Standard Bible
Dictionary)
Genealogies were carefully kept by the ancient Hebrews (compare
those of Genesis, Numbers, Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, Matthew,
Luke), not only because they formed the basis of a man’s
title to his property (Nu 27:8-11; exceptional case, 36:1-12),
but also because on one’s pedigree depended the right of
his family to intermarry with the priestly caste. Descent was
traced through the father; a man’s closest association was
therefore with his father’s family, and he was ordinarily
referred to as the son of his father, thus Isaac the son of Abraham
(Gen 25:19), Joshua the son of Nun, Caleb the son of Jephunneh
(Nu 14:6). Still there are instances of men named for their mothers
(Joab the son of Zeruiah), and a man’s relation with his
mother’s family was fully recognized in the laws forbidding
incest. No lineal relatives were permitted to intermarry (Lev
18:7, 10). The relations of ancestors and descendants were considered
so close that the ordinary terms of relationship between children
and parents are used constantly in relation to grandparents and
remoter ancestors. The wishes of a great-grandfather are respected
long after his death as the wishes of a father (Jer 35:16).
The
Hebrew Bible represents the
father as commanding
(Gen 50:16; Jer 35:6 ff; Prov 6:20),
instructing (Prov 1:8; 4:1),
and rebuking (Gen 37:10; Nu 12:14);
at the same time, as loving (Gen 25:28; 37:4;
44:20),
pitying (Ps 103:13),
and blessing his household (Gen 27:41),
rejoicing over its triumphs (Prov 10:1; 15:20),
or grieving over its misfortunes (Gen 37:35).
The
mother, too, naturally displays
love and care (Gen 25:28; Prov 4:3; Isa 49:15;
66:13).
To the Hebrew woman childlessness was considered the greatest
of misfortunes (1 Sam 1:10 ff, of Hannah; Gen 30:23, of Rachel).
Children were looked
upon as
a blessing from God (Ps 127:3)
and the defenders of the home (Ps 127:4, 5).
In early life a child was more directly under the control of the
mother than the father; the mother was its first teacher (Prov
1:8). Thereafter the father was expected to direct the training
of the son (Gen 18:19; Ex 12:26; 13:8, 14, 15; Dt 6:7), while
the daughter probably remained with the mother until her marriage
(Mic 7:6).
Both
parents are looked upon in the Law as
objects of honor (Ex 20:12 parallel Dt 5:16 (the
Fifth Commandment); Ex 21:15; Lev 20:9; Dt 27:16; Prov 20:20;
Ezek 22:7; Mic 7:6),
obedience (Gen 28:7; Lev 19:3; Dt 21:18 ff; Prov
1:8; 30:17)
and love (1 Ki 19:20; Prov 28:24; 30:11).
STRANGE
BUT TRUE -Ancient Hebrew practices:
The control of parents was so great as to include
the right to sell daughters in marriage, but not, without restrictions,
into slavery (Ex 21:7-11; compare 22:16 ff; Neh 5:5), and never
into a life of shame (Lev 19:29); they could chastise children
(Dt 8:5; 21:18; Prov 13:24; compare Ecclesiasticus 30:1-13), and
in the early days even exerted the power of life and death over
them (Gen 22; Jdg 11:39; Lev 18:21; 20:2-5; 2 Ki 23:10; compare
Mt 15:4). This power, at least for sacrificial purposes, was entirely
removed by the Law, and changed, even for punishment, in the case
of a stubborn, rebellious, gluttonous and disobedient son to a
mere right of complaint to the proper authorities (Dt 21:18-21),
who were to put him to death.
Infanticide
by exposure, such as was common among other ancient peoples, seems
never to have been practiced by the Hebrews. That the children
were nevertheless the chattels of the parents seems to be attested
from the fact that they could be seized for the debts of the father
(2 Ki 4:1). The father could annul the vows of his daughter (Nu
30:3-5), and damages for wrongs done to her were paid to him,
as in English law “for loss of services” (Dt 22:29).
A
widowed or divorced daughter could return to her father (Gen 38:11;
Lev 22:13; Ruth 1:15). At his death the mother would become the
actual, if not the legal, head of the household (2 Ki 8:1-6, the
Shunammite woman; Tobit 1:8, Tobit’s grandmother; compare
the position of the mother of Jesus). This was especially true
of the queen mother, whose name is usually given in the accounts
of the kings of Judah (1 Ki 1:11; 2:19, where a throne at the
king’s right hand was set for the king’s mother; 11:26;
14:21, 31; 15:2, 10, 13; 22:42; 2 Ki 8:26; 10:13; 14:2; 15:2,
33; 18:2; 21:1, 19; 22:1; 23:31, 36; 24:8, 12, 15, 18; 2 Ch 22:2;
Jer 13:18; 22:26).
While
it is true that the position of the widowed mother depended to
some extent on the will of her son (1 Ki 2:18 ff), it must be
remembered that the sense of filial duty was highly developed
among all classes in Palestine (Josh 2:13, 18; 6:23; 
1
Sam 22:3; 2 Sam 19:37; 1 Ki 19:20).
The
rebellion of children marked the acme of social
degeneration (Mic 7:6; Prov 30:11); on the other hand the “great
day” according to Malachi (4:5 (Hebrew 3:23)) is one of
conciliation of parents and children.
