This page was created on April 1, 2005
This page was last updated on June 1, 2005

After reading “Mickey-Mouse Science,” I have to say that the otherwise erudite writer, Jenn Wright, appears not to have a firm handle on the intricacies and contributions of astrophysiology over the years, affecting our lives in who knows how many ways. After all, we can be thankful for the gluto-whomper, which has been known to kick some serious asteroids, keeping them from doing incredible damage to our planet. And of course there is the intense research taking place to see if such a device like this can save the world (or at least the United States) from nuclear attack. I mean, I have heard that by spending a few trillion more dollars on this brilliant device it might just work!

And of course astrophysiology has done much to bring world peace and unity, which is really what this is all about, isn’t it? Besides bringing us the gluto-whomper, they have clearly determined that the universe is large, and that we are all related in some real way. I don’t know about you, but that brings a tear to my eye. Prior to these recent discoveries, it would have been virtually impossible to arrive at such conclusions.

As for these recent studies at Hauer U. regarding Illudium (actually spelled “Iludeium”) Q-13, I believe Jenn simply misses the value of such a project. Jenn’s angle is that these “weapons of mass destruction” (WMDs, in technical jargon) could be dangerous to our little planet if placed in the wrong hands.

Jenn, Jenn there’s your first problem: a low view of man. It is obvious that man’s technological advances have done nothing but bring man closer to peace and unity, which is really what this is all about isn’t it? If you’d take the time to listen to Dr. Schindler you would understand that. He’s just trying to help out, do his part in making a name for himself.

Think of the possibilities! Sure it wouldn’t be great for Pluto (poor dog—er, planet), but it could do some amazing things for mankind. Imagine the time it would take to clear a rainforest with conventional machinery in order to build a parking lot! Well, with IQ-13 technology we could take out the sucker in a few seconds. And of course, once they had the patent down, our enormous debt could be reduced by millions if we manufactured smaller-scale IQ-13 assault rifles that could literally vaporize anyone walking onto our property illegally (since we all have a right to protect ourselves).

From what I understand, there already are Second Amendment protests in a small town in Utah called Xenophobia, “demanding there right to own and bare arms” such as this one. After all it is in the constitution you know: “I have a right to obliterate that which I do not understand!”

It’s in there somewhere, and it’s biblical. 2 Peter clearly tells us that the “Heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.” There you have it! Wow, this must be a sign; Christ is coming back! Man, I can feel a book coming on...

You see, Jenn, there is nothing to worry about. Only some idiot would use IQ-13 to destroy him/herself, and we’re not talking about idiots here—we’re talking smart, good people like American politicians and scientists who are only aiming at peace and unity, which is really what this is all about, isn’t it?

By the way, I heard they will complete the project by April 1st 2006—so that’s when Jesus is coming back? I’ve got to go; I have a book to write...

Lessee... How can I possibly compete with the wit and sarcasm which teems through Jenn’s and Mike’s columns this month?

First, I must (not surprisingly) confess to having never heard of Illudium Q-13 or the gluto-whomper before this. I dare say neither had Jenn or Mike—or anybody, for that matter (though IQ-13 is undoubtedly an isotope related to Q-36, developed at Warner Brothers a few decades ago). But anything that can cause something to implode/explode sounds pretty cool.

I used to blow up model airplanes with firecrackers when I was a kid, so you know where my sympathies lie. Man seems to have a natural desire to blow things up from early childhood and the larger the object the more gratification involved.

From a scientific point of view I think there is also a desire (although not too many scientists would admit it) to prove through our own intelligence and scientific processes that we can become masters of the world around us. Now, the gluto-whomper sounds like it would allow us to become masters not only of the world but of the solar system as well. Eventually we may become masters of the universe. Who wouldn’t want to see that happen? Then we’d not only be men, but He-men. I’m sure I must be quoting a bunch of people when I say, “What we don’t master will master us” (but documenting such things is really not my concern).

Now, if I’m not mistaken, I believe Mike is further suggesting that the return of Christ could be hastened by blowing up a planet; but since Pluto is not truly a planet, as “Good to the Last Drop” Schindler asserts, I don’t think it will work. Besides, it might take blowing up a solar system in order to get God’s attention (if the AIDS crisis in Africa is any indicator).

As far as the self-healing solar system theory goes, I like the idea. It gives me hope. If the solar system is self-healing then maybe a lot of the other things in nature that we thought were destroyed will eventually heal themselves. The ozone layer will come back, rainforests will reform, all those sick people will just stop being sick, dodos might re-evolve, and model airplanes... well, who cares about model airplanes?

It’s just too bad that we will have to wait so long to find out what happens to the so-called space junk at the outer edge of our solar system. What’s the fun of blowing things up if you can’t blow them up now?

In 2 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul speaks of Christianity as "the ministry of reconciliation."⁵ By this, he means that the central story of the faith is the reconciliation of Man to God through the blood of His Son, Jesus. Christianity, then, is the ministry of reconciliation because all who claim the name of Christ are ministers—literally, servants in the Greek—of God's specific conciliatory purpose.

But Christianity is not only the ministry of reconciliation—it is the ministry of all things godly. One of the other theological terms applied to the act of Jesus' death on the cross is redemption. In conceiving Hollywood Jesus, David Bruce understood that Christianity is also the ministry of redemption—and in particular, it is the redemptive hope for our culture: not through legislation, stone-throwing or critical negativity, but through showing us the godly things already embedded in our culture. For God reveals Himself through all that He has created, even the things that we may not particularly like.

After Eden is dedicated to this redemptive vision. We believe, as G.K. Chesteron put it, that "humanity is not incidentally engaged, but eternally and systematically engaged, in throwing gold into the gutter and diamonds into the sea."⁶ That's not a reality we endorse. We'd like to help salvage the gold from the gutter, and rescue the diamonds from the sea.

Mike Gunn is a pastor at Harambee Church in Tukwila, Washington, and was cofounder of Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Jenn Wright is a writer with degrees in literature and theology. She is co-writing the Narnia coverage for Hollywood Jesus, which has debuted this fall in anticipation of the first movie's 2005 release.

Hollywood Jesus Senior Editor Greg Wright is a writer and ordained minister of the dramatic arts. He teaches English Literature at Puget Sound Christian College, and is author of Peter Jackson in Perspective: The Power Behind Cinema's The Lord of the Rings.

Editor Dave Stark is an ordained minister and former Microsoft manager. He is now a partner in Restoring Hope Construction.

The Devil's Advocate is a composite personality of our consultants and editorial staff. He may look like someone you know—and probably thinks like a lot of them.

Chairman Mao
On Weapons

Weapons are an important factor in war, but not the decisive factor; it is people, not things, that are decisive. I think.¹

Bertrand Russell
On People

This idea of weapons of mass extermination is utterly horrible and is something which no one with one spark of humanity can tolerate.²

E.T.A.W. Hoffman
On Playing with Fire

Boys should not play with weapons more dangerous than they understand.³

Fred Phelps
On Pluto's Destruction

We sincerely hope and pray that more than just Pluto gets blown up, with everyone in mass graves or floating at sea feeding sharks and fishes or in the bellies of thousands of crocodiles washed ashore by tsunamis.⁴

Chesterton
On Perception
It is a strange thing that many truly spiritual men... have actually spent some hours in speculating upon the precise location of the Garden of Eden. Most probably we are in Eden still. It is only our eyes that have changed.⁷